Holy but Horny

Reconciling Sexuality and Spiritual Upbringing Before a New Year

Let's talk gently, but honestly.

Many of us learned how to pray before we ever learned how to listen to our bodies. We learned discipline, reverence, and restraint long before we learned language for desire, curiosity, or pleasure. Somewhere between sermons and adulthood, sexuality became something to manage instead of something to understand.

And yet...here we are.

Spiritually grounded. Thoughtful. Reflective. Still craving touch, intimacy, closeness, and connection.

So the tension isn't whether desire exists. The tension is what we were taught to do with it.

Where the Conflict Lives

For many people raised in religious households or within the Black church especially, sexuality was framed in extremes:

Sex is sacred...but risky
Desire is natural...but dangerous
Your body is a temple...but don't listen too closely to it

These messages weren't always meant to harm. Often they came from protection, survival, and respectability. But what they didn't offer was a roadmap for integration. How to be whole once desire showed up anyway.

Because desire doesn't disappear just because we were told it should.

Holy and Human

Here's the truth we don't say enough...

Being spiritual does not mean being disconnected from your body.
Being faithful does not mean being sexless.
Being intentional does not require denying desire.

You can pray and crave touch.
You can believe deeply and still want intimacy.
You can be grounded and sensually alive.

The issue isn’t desire.
The issue is desire wrapped in shame.

How Shame Quietly Shows Up

Religious conditioning often teaches behavior before it teaches emotional literacy. That's where shame slips in quietly...

Feeling "wrong" for wanting pleasure
Feeling guilty for enjoying sex
Feeling conflicted about fantasies
Feeling split between who you are and who you were taught to be

And during December when family, tradition, memory, and reflection collide, those internal conflicts tend to rise to the surface.

The holidays don't create the tension. They just turn the volume up.

A Softer Way to Look at Desire

What if desire isn't rebellion, but information?

What if pleasure isn't corruption, but communication?

What if your body isn't betraying your values, but asking to be included in them?

Reconciliation doesn't mean abandoning spirituality. It means expanding the conversation so your beliefs and your body can coexist.

Sweet · Raw · Sticky | A Reflection Moment

Pause here. No fixing. No judging. Just honesty.

Sweet- What messages about sex, desire, or "purity" did I inherit without ever questioning?

Raw- Which of those messages still shape how I show up in intimacy today, consciously or subconsciously?

Sticky- If I don't unpack this now, how might it follow me into the new year and into my relationships?

Because what we don't examine...tends to linger.

Why This Conversation Matters Right Now

As the year closes, this isn't about rejecting faith or discarding values. It's about integration...about entering the next chapter with less internal conflict and more self-honesty.

This blog isn't the deep dive. It's the doorway.

In 2026, I'll be opening a fuller conversation around Sex & the Church. Exploring identity, ego, shame, pleasure, and healing with the time and care it deserves.

For now, just sit with this truth. you don't have to choose between being holy and being horny. You're allowed to be BOTH.

1 Comments

Dec 30, 2025, 8:03:30 PM

Palesa bacchus - I did not grow up religious but it was expected to believe in “God” in my family. For the most part sexuality was not really talked about besides a brief talk about how not to get pregnant before you are able to handle a child and the sexual innuendos given by certain family members. The details or how to learn your body and you lovers was never a topic of discussion. I was a very late bloomer and had mostly experienced that was like the blind trying to see her way and bluffing it at the same time to not feel inadequate or uncomfortable. I had to finally take my own learning into my hands and “LEARN” me. What makes me moan/shake/gets me wet and heightens my please.Intentionally ask and learn my lovers what they like/needed/wanted and desired. I have been an interesting journey. The biggest take away that I have learned is most people tend to perform when it comes to sex/love making. The don’t really take the time to learn themselves or the partners like/dislikes and pleasure.

Holy but Horny

Reconciling Sexuality and Spiritual Upbringing Before a New Year

Where the Conflict Lives

Holy and Human

How Shame Quietly Shows Up

A Softer Way to Look at Desire

Sweet · Raw · Sticky | A Reflection Moment

Why This Conversation Matters Right Now

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